Fearful.

I know the cool thing to be is fearless... especially after Taylor Swift's catchy song about letting all your worries go and being completely void of fear. But, that's not always the case, sorry T-Swift. Most of the time I'd like to think of myself as being a pretty Optimistic Olivia, but some things just get to me. I think it's part of being human, darn the bad luck. 

Anyways, I have been talking to more and more people from Seattle, my future home after graduation this May. They are recommending the trendy restaurants, hip coffee shops, and the cultural and alternative things to do. I get butterflies and envision myself bundled up in my trench coat and infinity scarf walking the cool Seattle streets. I'm going to have a stable income and great job, living in one of the hippest cities in the country, and I cannot wait as I hear all the stories of the amazing city.

Image via WeHeartIt

Then it hits me, fear. Reality sets in as I figure out I'm going to be alone, with a closet of clothes, boxes of books, my stuffed Winnie the Pooh, and zero furniture. An anxiety creeps up and overcomes the butterflies of excitement and realize my family is no longer going to be a half an hour car ride away. I won't be able to drive to my Grandma's when I had a bad night and want nothing more than her couch and waffles for breakfast. My mom won't be on-call to go out for Mexican food when I just need some mom-time. I can't call my sisters to go thrift store shopping and check out the new coffee shop with me, or my dad and brother to fix whatever technology issue I tend to get myself into. It hurts, this fear, and makes me doubt my decision to move up the coast.

Then I realize, it's an amazing job that will afford me some of the greatest opportunities of my career. My family is the most loving collection of people I know, and I know they will be there for every phone call when I'm too lonely in Seattle or when I book a weekend flight to Phoenix when I can't bear the rain any longer. I've heard many times that if something didn't scare you at some point, it wasn't worth doing. So I'll embrace the fear, the anxiety, and the excitement and positivity and prepare for some hard times, but know that there is a bright future ahead of me full of love- even if the love is now 26 hours away.

Be okay being afraid, because though fearless is glamorous, fearful is real... and it's okay.

Take care,
Alex